I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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