I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
