don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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