you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
