Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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