I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
