just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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