How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
