U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
