u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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