Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
