His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
