I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
