Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
