is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How's work?
Spinning.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
