Pappa wants mamma naked
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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