i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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