I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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