Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
