The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
