Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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