why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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