I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
