Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
