she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
