rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
