The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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