Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
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You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
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I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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