Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
