I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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