Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
