What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
