it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
