I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
