he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
