She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
