i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
