I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
