That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
