Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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