pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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