So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
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Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
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Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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