my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
