Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
did you just send me my own nude
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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