Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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