Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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