he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity