32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?