just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest