For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me