3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks