I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
