We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms