I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
