if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
