Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
