i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
