Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
