Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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