Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
