he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
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Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
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He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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