I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
