Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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