A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
