Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
