I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
