How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
