Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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