I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
