would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
