im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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