My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
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When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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