Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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