the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
