I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
