My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize