Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
