I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
